chapter16: things.

hmmm.
once upon a long time ago, i posted a blog about being highly confused about a certain boy and my feelings for him.

at the time, i tried to convince myself that i did not fancy him.
lies.

i have since fallen so heavily for him i hardly know what to do.

it sounds pathetic and yes, yes it is pathetic,
but he is just about my every thought.
i go so crazy-shy when i am around him and blush and giggle and tbh it's pathetic and i ought to know better.

i am meant to be telling him how i feel tomorrow.
there are three days left at school before study leave and exams,
and i want to get it out of the way and tell him how i feel about him.

but i am scared.
i am so scared.

i tried so hard to tell him on friday,
honestly i did,
but my throat clammed up and my mouth wouldn't open and i was shaking so ferociously and i just couldn't bring myself to open my lips and say "i like you."

i think i may have to go for the send-a-letter option.
my friends say it's oh-so-impersonal but i think it might be the only way i'll be able to do it.

i wish i wasn't so shy!!
it's annoying!

i promised myself i'd hype myself up this weekend to do it but i don't think i've managed it.
friday night i was like "yeah i'll tell him i'll tell him"
but now i'm just like "oh fuck i can't tell him i can't tell him"

i have to do it.
i have to do it.

i mean, he's nothing to be scared of. he's certainly a nice guy and (hopefully) he wouldn't turn me down in a really harsh way but...

ohh.
ARGH!

STUPIDSTUPIDGIRL